Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
