I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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