walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
