four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
