Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
