happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
