my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
