You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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