i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
