so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
