Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
