At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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