Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My vagina just recognized that song.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
