I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
