She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
