overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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