If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
