i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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