just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
