that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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