Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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