You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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