And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
