Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
