If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
