what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
