She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
