I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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