It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
