Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
