i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
