tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
