Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
