My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
