he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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