If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
