I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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