She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
