It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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