this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
