I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
