god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
