There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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