I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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