I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
