Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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