Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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