Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
