Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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