dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
