I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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