there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
