I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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