i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
