the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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