oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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