you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
