Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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